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I know these are very personal and delicate matters for discussion, but given how essential they are to your life, to the whole Muslim Ummah, and to the future of Islam as our way of life these are matters we must discuss.In Islam it has been made very clear as to what is acceptable and what is not acceptable between males and females who are not married to each other, so if all was going well in this critical area of life I wouldn’t need to say anything; but, all is not going well.My very dear young Muslim brothers and sisters I have something of extreme importance to talk to you about.I want to tell you some things about boy-girl relationships, sex, and marriage.But since that’s not reality I’ve decided to compile a list in hopes of answering some questions. Spends every night away from his home, doesn’t answer his phone, and finally calls at 6am claiming he was at dewaniya all night. Get used to it, you’re always going to be less important than dewaniya. Having intimate relations with you then either disappearing for a few days… Being intimate with a man before marriage is almost unheard of. He believes you should only look good for him, at home, behind closed doors.
Do you think Allah has said there should be virtually no relationship at all between unmarried males and females because He doesn’t want you to have fun?
Please know what I am going to say to you I say only because I love Islam and I care so very much about the future safety, happiness, and success in the lives of all of you although we may have never met.
From what I have been reading, from what parents have been telling me, and from what has been confirmed in discussions with many young Muslim brothers and sisters from countries all across the world it has become clear that more and more young Muslims are not following the guidelines for relationships between boys and girls so clearly set out in Islam.
I get a number of emails from American women asking advice about their Arab men. Some of the men are Arab but born and raised in America. And don’t ask to look through the one you DO know about… You’ll need to tell him where you’re going, with whom, and approximately how long you expect to be gone. 1-9 above still apply and perhaps seem even more frequent. You’re more than likely going to meet male cousins and maybe a brother or two.
Some of the women who write are working in Kuwait and dating a Kuwaiti. And during this time you’re expected to call him (though he’s not going to answer) and send endless text messages. Don’t ask me how, but Arab men are masters at turning things around. it’s ‘disrespectful’ and you’ll be accused of behaving like a man. If he’s not comfortable with your answers he’ll simply drive you himself.
Since you’re ‘officially engaged’ according to him (you’re not, rest assured) then living together is OK. Remember, you’re not in the typical American relationship where people meet, date, live together, share a bed, then decide if they want to get married. His wife then becomes one of the women in his family.