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Am I being a selfish perfectionist and are all marriages like ours? Stay in this marriage for the sake of my children and my husband? ZOEIn another era you would not have thought there was any choice.Or at least, if you did choose to leave you would be sure to face disapproval.I understand how much you miss your parents but suggest that if you were to separate, the brave decision would be to stay in the area you know (and where you do have friends) so that your husband (good father that he is) has ready access.That would help with your guilt on that front - as well as dealing in advance with any aggression from him. Dear Bel I often shed a ear when I read the problems on your page, and was deeply moved at the end of November when I read your own story about the stillbirth of your baby son many years ago.My husband was once warm to them, but now can hardly be bothered. My family live in Scotland and I miss them terribly.I long to be near them, so my parents can watch their grandchildren grow up, but my husband will not move.I'm sure he'd be quite nasty if we split up and I worry that he might try to seek custody.I want to move near my parents and my family who love me, but how can I do that to him?
Stuck as you are, you must act - and that is the right first step.
Although (as regular readers know) I am a firm believer in doing everything possible to make a marriage work when there are young children involved, it remains true that the long-term happiness of those children is not achieved by living with two parents who are in a permanent cold war.
You urgently need to talk to somebody face to face about these issues.
Dear Bel I am trapped in a marriage with a man I fear I no longer love.
We've been together eight years, and have two young children.
Our friends and family were very supportive but then, in February 2001, my husband's brother and his wife decided we should pull ourselves together.