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As a result of legal restrictions — sex with an animal is illegal in most U. states and European countries — the lived experience of being a zoo is rarely heard outside of underground online forums or secret meet-up groups. There was a carnival in a parking lot across the street from my house and it had a parade of them walking around in circles.
I begged my parents to let me go so I could ride the ponies, but when I got on a horse’s back I was absolutely horrified. I think I was bothered by how awful the situation was for them.
My friend was there at the time, and he was holding her head. I’d brushed her, cleaned her under her tail, and cleaned her face.
He didn’t have to do that — it’s not like we were doing things that she wasn’t enjoying — but he was there to protect me. I’d scooped snot out of her nose — we know each other very intimately.
All they did was go 'round and 'round; I could sense something about that in their attitude. It was a very interesting book — everything you ever wanted to know about horses.
At the time I didn’t really think of myself as different or unusual; it was just what I was interested in.
And I didn’t realize it was abnormal at that time, but the comments attached to those pictures were all going on about how disgusting it was. So that would be when I was first aware that I was different. It was never a case of “I’m just giving this a try to see if I would prefer humans.”My first kiss was from a man named Mark.
I grew up in the city, so I didn’t have much access. He was aware of my sexual preference and interested himself in dogs after a fashion.
In the case of the first time with my current mare friend I was sitting with my back to the wall, and she had actually pressed into my face hard enough that I was pinned there performing oral sex. I wouldn’t say she was trying to dominate; I think she was just expressing her enjoyment. Because horses love biting things I was a little bit concerned; I kept my hand in a way that I could save myself if I needed to.I let her come to me, and that’s one of the things I am very adamant about: I never use a halter or any kind of restraint.So, she chooses to come with me, and I leave her food and she puts her head on my chest and we snuggle and I whisper sweet nothings in her ear and rub her cheeks — what she likes. She really loves the area between the back of her legs touched.And, as I discovered, mares taste very, very nice, like mown grass or fresh hay, and they really enjoy oral stimulation. That’s how I know sexuality can change, because mine changed. That’s something that a lot of people don’t understand.I’ve always made sure, except for the first few times when I was a neophyte, that my partner has an orgasm, whether it’s a human or a horse, because I want her to have a really good time, and oral is something she almost always enjoys. I saw a clinical psychologist following a recent trauma around two friends suddenly dying, and this perhaps reactivated the trauma of the death of my first love. That’s sort of how I see it, but I guess it’s silly to project human-relationship standards onto an animal.
So, she turned around and she actually backed into me while I’m sitting down. I was about 38 at the time, and I was about 10 to 15 pounds too heavy for the bucket.